Notes On A Revelation

It’s been a while since I’ve typed anything on here (mainly because…as I’ve mentioned before…I have an audience of about two people…but that’s besides the point). I’ve been busy with school and just trying to figure life out…you know the usual. Anyhow…this has really been an interesting semester. Interesting because I’ve been analyzing a lot of the people I’ve been around, as well as myself at the same time. I think one of the things that hurt me during the time I was working at home was my disconnection with everything. I hated having to go that stupid job everyday, my family was getting on my nerves (understatement), and nothing was ever working out. Coming out of that has made this semester harder than it should’ve been in all aspects, but most of all socially. It’s been a lot harder to connect with people…and then the people who I’m always around don’t seem to know/care what’s really going on (of course, if they did, they wouldn’t know what to do about it anyway, so it’s not like it matters anyway). Some of my best friends here actually happen to be teachers…which isn’t a bad thing at all, but it’s also…well, not a bad thing at all…but still…I dunno…

So there’s about 4 weeks left of this semester…and much of it is going to be spent on maintaining what decent grades I have (hopefully pulling them up) and definitely getting that Math grade up to a C (which is going to be a miracle any way you look at it). My mother says that if my grades aren’t decent, I won’t be coming back here (understandable). At this point, if I don’t come back, it’s definitely going to suck (to be blunt). But on the flip side of that, I don’t know if it’s going to be that big of a deal. It’s kind of laughable. I questioned this in the back of my head before I came, because I thought that if I came back here, and was around more people, old friends, better opportunities, tons of debt (sssh…let’s ignore that one), I would feel more fulfilled (for lack of a better word). I feel just as [empty, dead, incomplete, etc....choose the most appropriate word] if not more so now, than before. But just then, Captain Obvious busts on the scene, exclaiming, “You should be spending more time with God, and doing acts of service!” (Before any of you advise me in that direction…that is to say, those of you who actually do those things) Yeah, I know this, and I have been and am trying. Enough is never enough. But that’s enough for right now.